Monday, May 30, 2011

Today was the first day of my summer job at Skyline.  It was a lonnngggg day. There wasn't anywhere to sit down if I had wanted to get off my feet for a few seconds.  My "bosses" were 3 years younger than me and didn't do anything except sit around and I didn't take a break because I am broke and I didn't pack a lunch either.  I worked from 9:30 to 4:30.  And the last hour was incredibly long. lol  

I really hope I can enjoy the next 2 months working and making all the money I can, but if I keep coming home after work with a crazy headache, backache, and my feet hurting I don't know how much I will like it. lol.  But hopefully that won't happen!! Hopefully my greed for money will overcome my pain ;-)

Friday, May 27, 2011

Artsy Fartsy

     I have been feeling extremely artsy lately, but unfortunately I left almost all of my art supplies in Florida in a storage unit.  I finally finished my last commissioned portrait for one of my friends in Florida, so now all I have left to do is send it to him in the mail.

     I have been posting a lot of some of my old poetry on my art blog and it's inspired me to start writing a bit more. I haven't written poetry in a long time. (But it's not like I haven't had anything to write about... stupid boys.... stupid things that don't work out... or just writing about something that I am passionate about....)  So if you like poetry, go on over and check it out!

     I keep having the urge to paint something... anything... but when it comes to painting, I'm a bit of a perfectionist. Well, I guess when it comes to any art I am a perfectionist, but with painting, I always have to have the perfect subject, and have it drawn out and just be awesome.  Unfortunately, sometimes I think that I don't have the patience to actually sit down and do a wonderfully detailed inspiring piece or work.  Oh well, I have to try sometime right??

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

My All-Time Favorite Shows

Can I just say that I love watching television? Because I seriously do. These are my top 5 t.v. shows:


 4. Law & Order: SVU
3. Alias

 2.  Heroes

 1. True Blood
Did I mention that I love t.v.???  If I could, and I had the money, I would buy all the seasons of all these shows and I would watch them over and over again. :)

So... what is your top 5???

Gotta stop wasting it

Sometimes I think that my life is taking forever to take off. 

When I was about to graduate 8th grade I remember being so excited that I was finally going to start high school, but then I also remember that excitement being dampened with the thought of having to go to school for another 4 years. 

Then my high school days absolutely flew by.  It makes me sad to remember how I wasted them.  My only thoughts were about boys, which girls to hate or talk about, and how much I felt like I needed to rebel against my parents.  Finally, my senior year, I started to figure it out.  I found a boyfriend who was amazing, I started focusing on God, and I started to understand a little more that my parents weren't actually out to get me.  So, high school ended.  And then I got excited because the biggest adventure of my life was about to begin: college.

Now, here I am, and my freshman year of college is already over.  I have only 3 years to go... and most of my first year was wasted on trying to get over and past a bad relationship, and finding myself tripping over myself in efforts to fill in the hole that was left from that relationship.  I wasted so much time trying to find that trust and closeness, to feel loved again that I ended up getting hurt and used over and over.  

Rather than feeling more grown up, I end up feeling more lost and lonely and just plain young.  I can't seem to wrap my head around how I am suppose to do things.  I always seem to pick the wrong friendships, say the wrongs things, trust the wrong person.  It gets old, let me tell you.  

I want to get out and experience life.  I know there is so much out there to do.  But I keep losing my focus on the little things that don't matter or that I'm just not ready for yet.  

Every time I meet a guy that I like, it seems like I throw myself into the thought of having someone.  I think that is my problem with everything, with boys, friends, hobbies, whatever.  I keep refusing to let God be that Someone for me.  There is someone who likes me...  I think I like him too, but I'm not totally sure.  To be honest, I think I just really don't want to be in a relationship.  It is just another added weight because now if I choose to, I can say no, and then I'm gonna feel like crap.  GAHHHH.

I just want to be single for awhile. I want to live. I want to develop friendships.  I have been too much of a loner.... but then, I say that now... I'll probably end up changing my mind...  But I have 2 months of summer left to figure this stuff out. To figure out what I really want.  I need to find my focus.  I'm so sick of wasting my life away.  I need to do things that are worth something.