Friday, December 10, 2010

Final Week!!!

So.... I have approximately 6 days before I get to go home.  FINALLY. 

There is no exam for Comp I:  YAYYYYYY
There is an exam for Life of Christ:  Pffsshhh. Please. I'm a pastor's kid. Can you say "easy breezy"???
There is no exam for College Experience because my last class was like last monday:  WOOOTTT
There is an exam for Intro to Psych:  YIKES.  (this, I am nervous for)
There is an exam for College Math:  Yup. I am going to fail. No sweat. lols.

Well, the upside, I GET TO GO HOME IN 6 DAYYSSSS!!!!

I should make a list of who I am suppose to hang out with.  But I am hoping people will contact ME too.  It would be kinda lame to be inviting everyone to hang out with me and not get invited myself... ouch. lol
PLUS, I have not a car anymore since mine decided not to work.  So, basically, I am going to be like:

Hey girl! wanna hang out??
Sure! what do you wanna do?
Oh, idk. the mall? a movie? maybe dinner?
That sounds awesome!
Sweet :) your driving! Bye!

........... I feel as if that won't go over very well. But hopefully people will miss me enough that they are readily willing to drive their cars for me. lol

Oh!  And I also can't wait to get home because I can finally upload all the drawings that I have done! I hope I get some comments up in that blog! lol. It's feelin a little naked ;)

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Letter Game!!

Rules: It's harder than it looks! Copy to your own blog, erase my answers, and enter yours!! Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real. . .nothing made up!

Continue Reading...

1. What is your name: Kelli

2. A four Letter Word: Kite

3. A boy's Name: Kyle

4. A girl's Name: Kalyn

5. An occupation: Kindergarten teacher

6. A color: Kelp green

7. Something you wear: Kilt

8. A food: Kabobs

9. Something found in the bathroom: Kotex tampons

10. A place: Kohls!!

11. A reason for being late: Kind old lady needed help across the street :D

12. Something you shout: KOWABUNGAAAAAA

13. A movie title: Knowing

14. Something you drink: Kool-aid

15. A musical group: KISS

16. An animal: Kangaroo

17. A street name: Keller St.

18. A type of car: Kia

19. Something scary: King Cobra snake

20. Ice cream flavor: Kiwi flavored!!!

Wow... That was slightly difficult. YOUR TURN KIDS!!! hahaha get it??? "K"ids??? lols

Wednesday, December 8, 2010


I finally got my schedule for next semester!! But, unfortunately, because of some other stuff going on at the side, I couldn't register till today actually.  And because of that, I didn't get my painting class so... I kinda feel like so:

But, I will be ok.  No worries. lol. Well, that's all for now!! :)

Monday, December 6, 2010

I miss you

It's unbelievable how much you can miss a person...  When they are in your life long enough, they become integrated and have meaning in it. They develop a special nook, or spot, right in your heart.  And then, for one reason or another, something happens that takes them away from you, or you from them, it begins.  The ache builds up.  It is like a deep throbbing in that one place where you know they should be, but their presence is absent.

Whether it is someone in your family like a sister, or the one person you fell in love with, when they aren't there any longer, it hurts like nothing else.  Maybe hurt is the wrong word. Hurt is at the surface.  You can feel it, describe it.  Maybe what I am feeling is much deeper.  More like a slow steady flow of loss. 

I don't know how to tell you in the right words, how exactly it feels.  When I see the pictures... of times that can no longer be, I will admit, tears rush to my eyes faster than they have ever before.  I can remember us talking about everything.  Actually spending time together.  Laughing, sometimes even crying. Together.  Now, everything has changed.  I have. You have.  The world has. 

Even right now. At this very moment, I am struggling not to let my eyes fill up.  I keep choking them back. Why? Because I am too strong to cry.  You won't know if I did, and if you did know, what would you do?  Would it change anything?  I doubt it.  Only God can change anyone.  Nothing I do will change you.  Even though I want so desperately for it to be so. 

Because I would make you better than what you were before.  When you were still you, you were so awesome.  You made people laugh and smile.  You made me laugh so hard I cried. Millions of times.  My lips are shuddering, half holding back a smile, half trying not to cry.  I KNOW that God has something big planned for you.  And I pray. So. Hard. That you realize this sooner than later.  Before it gets too hard to turn back. 

Realize that I love you.  That I am here for you when no one else is.  That I NEED YOU.  Even though you think I don't.  Maybe you really do think I hate you.  That you are stupid.  It couldn't be further from the truth.  I want nothing more than to wrap you in my arms and tell you that you are great and that YOU have your own personal spot in my heart.  Not anyone else. 

I want to share everything with you.  But  I know that can't be.  You aren't ready.  I'm not either.  Maybe this will never get better.  If this is so, I pray that the empty chamber in my heart, that you once laid so comfortably, might someday close up and once and for all stop the unwelcome throbbing.

But for right now, it's ok.  Because it just reminds me of you.  Of the past.  Of all the beauty and indescribable joy that past between us.  No, it isn't easy to sleep at night.  Not when I feel like this.  When I feel like I am missing a part of me.  I can never go to sleep at night and rest peacefully when I have such an incredible feeling of loss that over takes me everytime I close my eyes.  But I do my best to turn the sorrowful tears into reminiscent tears of the love that we were once, able to show, to share.

I will be fine.  I always am.  But I want most is that YOU be ok. To be able to get past everything.

I love you both. <3

How do you think of God?

When you think of God, what kinds of things come to mind?  Words like omnipotent, holy, merciful, etc are probably the more common ones.  In one of my classes today, our professor had us close our eyes.  She told us to think of one song, that if we could only listen to this one song and nothing else, what would it be and why?  Is it the rhythm of the song? The words of it?  So I thought of a song.  I posted about it a while back.  It is "I look to you" by Whitney Houston.  I just LOVEEE the words and the music and I love her voice. I could listen to it for days. I actually have before too.  Just that song.

And then the professor had us close our eyes and think of God. Think about who He is.  What do we invision Him looking like?  How does He smell? Does He have a smell?  What kind of images do we get from Him when we try to imagine His being.

Well, my answer to those questions were that I don't think that I can put God into an actual image of a person (as some people said. ex: apparently there is like a hippo/leopard thing with wings on South Park that is suppose to be God?)  I think of God, not as a deity in someones body, but more of Him being the body.  Or, like, a presence.  Something you can't see, but you can feel the wieght of Him.  And when I think of what he would smell like, I think of flowers.  Of nature.  Of just purity, like when you get a breeze that smells of spring.

So my question of the day is,  When you think of God, if you could imagine him, what would He look like?  What would He smell like?

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Why can't we be more like the Innkeeper?

"And she brought forth her firstborn Son, and wrapped Him in swaddling cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn." ~ Luke 2:7

You know, it is barely half a verse, and yet it may be the most memorable part of the Christmas story, "and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn."  It also has probably one of the worst misinterpretations of a character in any story.  

When we read the story of Jesus' birth in Church, or on Christmas morning, this anonymous innkeeper has a label of being completely heartless and mean planted on his forehead.  I mean, who else would leave such a holy family out in the cold???  We read that there was no room for Mary and Joseph in the Inn, but if we think about it, is a crowded inn really any place for a woman about to give birth to a baby?  And it certainly wouldn't be right for the innkeeper to throw someone else out to accommodate for the less fortunate family.

Another thing, when we think of where the innkeeper finally found a place to stay, we think that it was out in some stable where a bunch of nasty animal stalls and whatnot were located.  But GUESS WHAT????  This was probably not true at all.  It is just another misconception.  The word "inn" is actually translated into Greek as "καταλυμα (kataluma)" which actually means "upper room" or as we would know, "guest room".  As common sense would tell us, this place would be where the guests all stayed.  This leaves us to assume that instead of getting stuck in a barn out in the cold, Mary and Joseph actually just spent the night in the "lower room".  Now you are wondering, well.... "Where does the animals and the manger come in?"  Well, chill! I'm about to tell you!  Back in that day and age, it was quite common for the family animals to be brought into the lower room for the night, hence, a manger coming in handy.  This would be ok, since the guests all stayed upstairs.  

So... just sayin', maybe next time we read the Christmas story, instead of writing the innkeeper off as inconsiderate, we should commend him for using his resources to help the needy family in such a difficult and awkward situation. 

Ok, my main point is, why do we so often think that things must be perfect to serve people or to provide for them places to stay?  Like, taking care of the homeless, or someone who just needs a place to crash? (Holy or not)  I mean, What Would Jesus Do??  Do you really think that if your house was Jesus' house, that if someone had no where to go for Christmas, that He would worry about how messy the bathroom was, or that the guest bedroom didn't have a set of drawers in it, or whatever other excuses we might make?  Heck to the no.  He would welcome them in with open arms because it would be better than what they would have had otherwise.  Jesus was NOT picky about where He was born.  So why do we think that those who are in need care about stupid things like that?  If we could make their lives just a little bit easier by providing simple things like a place to stay for awhile during the Holidays, imagine how much better you are making their lives.  What if they had no where else to go, and YOU were the one who stepped up and took them in.  You just saved them from being alone on the one holiday when NO ONE should be alone.  Christmas is the celebration of the birth of OUR SAVIOUR!! How do you think He would feel if He knew that we neglected to take care of one of His children because we thought our guest room wasn't good enough or our house was too messy or our food not good enough?  Not a very good birthday present for Him, I'd say....  

Well, that's about all I have to say. I hope whoever reads this takes it to heart because there are way too many people out there who need us.  Who are we to ignore their cries?

This is where I got some of my information! Read it, it has some interesting stuff! :)

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Finally Out

So... last night was truly awesome, and I have many of my friends to thank for it, but the biggest one goes to Shelbs for inviting me to the bonfire!!! :)

Is it a little sad that the first semester of college is almost over and I have only stayed out past 1 only once?  I think so.  I love staying up late, but I never got the opportunity to actually go out.  I was stuck in my room or on campus time after time.   It felt so good to be able to come back at 3 in the morning and know that I had a good time and that I actually left campus behind. 

I hung out with some cool people, too!  I really hope I get to go again.  There were several people there that I think it would be awesome to become close too... but as we all know, Kelli has very bad luck with that stuff... :/

Well, today I get to go out again, but this time it is for a class.  We are going to a care center to do some service work.  We need to have about 3 hours for my Life of Christ class.  A lot of the girls who were at the bonfire last night will be there.  They are all pretty awesome :)  So I am looking forward to it!!!  Too bad I left my camera back at my room.....  Ain't no way I'm walkin all the way back there!!!

NEXT POST:  EXERCISE!!! lol. No, seriously it will be.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010


Ok, well, last night I studied for a math test for the very first time in my life.  The math test is today... in about 15 minutes.... am I ready to leave? Nope. I'm stuck on my computer!! 

I studied with my friends, Stefanie, Betsy, and Kalyn :)  Let's hope it paid of ladies!!!!  I think we can manage not to fail yes?  Unless we totally go completely blank like I know Betsy mentioned that she did on these tests, and I do the same. UGH UGH UGH!!!  Well, one good thing about this... actually two, is that its only a semester class, ANDDDD if we fail, we have FOUR years to make it up!!! HAHHAHHA.... thats depressing...

OK!! Wish us luck!! I'll post later how we THINK we did, and then later than that, how we REALLY did, which as everyone knows, is always COMPLETELY different than what we think. Unless we didn't answer any questions..... lol


Monday, November 1, 2010

Britney Spears

So... I haven't told many people about this. Actually, I only recently said it aloud in my College Experience class.  We had an assignment to make a Bucket List for our lives.  I have always wanted to make one so I actually had FUN with homework!! lol. Anyway, so on my Bucket List, the very last item on the paper, I wrote down, "Witness to Britney Spears".

Now, I am not sure when my desire to witness to her started.  I know it was when I was wayy younger, probably when I heard her songs on my bus when I was in 2nd grade. Maybe sometime after that.  I had always imagined sitting down with her on a talk show, or some where personal and telling her how much Jesus loves her no matter what she has ever done, because it is SO true.  I pray that God gives me the opportunity, or somehow puts someone in her life that won't use her, but tell her about the One who made her, loves her, and will NEVER give up on her like so many others have.

Now, in my College Experience class, while I was reading my list out loud, when I came to the last one, my teacher was like "WHAATTT?? OMG! I have to tell you something after class!"
So, after class I went up to her and she proceeded to tell me that I had the same exact passion as she did!! I was pretty shocked to hear someone shared my simultaneous love of Britney and my concern for her soul.  It is amazing to know that someone shares such a passion as something like that with me :)

But on the other hand, its sad that not so many people are public about their concern for the souls of so many of the celebrities out there who are leading lives that are simply disastrous to themselves and their well-being....  that they are consumed with alcohol, greed, fame, vanity, and simply the loss of their true identities among all the things that fans and agents want them to be....

Can someone tell me how this:

 And this:
 Started out as this?:
I'll tell you.... sin.  Not exactly pure or simple, but you know what I mean.  The world thirsts for vulgarity. Whether they label it as that or not, they still do.  Sex, sex, sex.  Money, money, money. Exploitation, desperation, search for satisfaction.  So many things lead to those points... the points where Britney Spears and so many other millions of people find themselves now.

We all start out with souls that look pure and innocent and un-compromised.  Then, as we grow, we become greedy.  We want anything and everything that will satisfy us, or at least what we THINK will satisfy us...

I dont know how to live without your love
I was born to make you happy
Cause you're the only one within my heart
I was born to make you happy
Always and forever
you and me
Thats the way our life should be
I dont know how to live without your love
I was born to make you happy

 This song is from Britney's first album Baby One More Time.  It is the chorus to the song Born to Make You Happy.  So you see, even from the very earliest stages of her career, Britney's mindset was configured.  For some reason, the world thinks that celebrities were born to make us happy, when in reality, they are people themselves. GASP. I know right???  Well, they are.  Their true value doesn't depend on how good they sing, act, or play a sport or instrument.  Their true value lies in Jesus Christ.  And their goal in life should be to make Christ happy.  Not us. We are not the ones that should be made happy.  What right do we have to completely take over someone's life like how people have taken over Britney's?  We don't have any right.

So, I pray right now, Jesus, I ask you, please.  Bless Britney with your love. Show her everything that you are.  Provide for her someone that will actually tell her the Truth about herself, and about You.  I know that under all of her family problems, under every drop of make-up, every song lyric, there is still that innocent girl crying out for someone to love her for who she is inside, and not for what she does or who she tries to be for everyone else.  Lord, I just pray that you will protect her from herself.  Show her that what she is doing is not right, it isn't what she was made for. Let those persons who you will provide for her, to be strong, because she will be hard-pressed to turn away from her lifestyle after living like that for so long.  Give her strength to fight her fears and for her soul to see You.  In Your awesome name I pray :)

Thursday, October 28, 2010


So....  My birthday is tomorrow.... and I am in Florida, and my family is in Ohio.... I don't know about this.  I don't know if anyone is going to do anything for my birthday here. I mean, it's totally ok if they don't, I am just sayin'.

It would be nice if someone did... but there are a dozen complications I guess.... Oh well, I can't mope now!!! I'm almost 19!!!!   (It isn't nearly as fun down here as it is up in Ohio...)  No anticipation of opening a present or anything.  I asked for money this year since it would be wayy too hard to ship an actual present.  But my mom and dad still sent me a box of my magazines and a card from them and one from my sister.  Plus, I got some candy and some earrings!!!  (I can never get enough studs bc I am constantly getting my hair caught in them and ripping them out and then I end up losing them! Lol.

Oh! And how is this for an early birthday present!!?? I had a math test scheduled today, but the teacher postponed it till Tuesday!!! :))) So that's always good. Especially since I suck at math.

Well.... I think that's it.  Until next time. lol

Monday, October 25, 2010

Friday, October 22, 2010

God Moment

So... on Wednesday I was having lunch or dinner with a few of my friends (don't ask me which ones, I just remember eating. LOL)  Anyway, I saw this upper class-men girl walking across the cafeteria and she reminded me of something that I had wanted to tell my friends about her.  I had actually seen her in the Warner Beyond Belief book that you get in the mail that has all the info about Warner in it.  Well, she had been in one of the big pictures so she was stuck in my mind because I am just really good at remembering faces.  Anyway, when I first started my year out here, I told them, that I was walking down the hall and I saw this girl in the hallway as well.  And the first thought that had come across my brain was "OMG SHE'S FAMOUS!!!!"  I didn't know where she was from but I remembered her face perfectly. Then I finally remembered that I had seen her in the booklet.  I laughed at myself for that one...  Anyway, I told everybody that I was sitting with, that I wanted to talk to her somehow and tell her that I had thought that she was famous the first time I saw her.

Ok, the cool part.  So later that day I prayed a little prayer (I didn't really take it seriously because it wasn't a big deal) that I could somehow meet her or gain the courage to just go up and talk to her.  So, on Thursday,  we always eat in the cafeteria after chapel.  So I headed up there with a couple of my friends.  It is ALWAYS crowded in the cafeteria after chapel because apparently no one wants to go back and cook their own meals or something after church. I have no idea.  But as soon as we walked in we started maneuvering around tables and bodies ("we" being Matt, Rachel, and I).  As we discovered when we got to our usual table, someone elses stuff was on our table.  So we moved to another table instead.  I went to get my food and Matt and Rachel went to get theirs. 

Of course, by this time I had long forgotten about my prayer, but I was about to get a shock.  When we all came back to sit down, we noticed some backpacks at the table that weren't any of our friends, but we were like whatever... So we started eating and talking.... and lo and behold!!! Guess who sat down by the backpacks?????  I was like. OMG. Haha. Jesus?? YOU ROCK MY SOCKS!!!!  So I rudely interrupted Matt's conversation and I was like "Excuse me?  Hi, what is your name?"  And she said "Ashley."  I was like, ok this is freaking awesome, and I have to tell you.  Yesterday, I prayed that God would give me an opportunity to talk to you because I wanted to tell you a story"  So I went ahead and told her about my thinking she was famous.  And she was like "Wow.  That is soo crazy!!!" and we went on and talked for a few minutes and then her friend came and sat down beside her, and Ashley had me tell her that story as well.  Her friend had the same reaction plus a "Hallelujah!! Praise Jesus!" Haha. 

I just wanted to share that because it just proves to me that God cares about the little things.  And I mean the super little things that, to us, seem meaningless, like wanting to meet a girl who I thought was famous when I first saw her.  A petty little story that I wanted to share, and God made that possible by being completely random and placing her at the table.  Now, I can say "Hey Ashley!!!" and she might recognize me now as the girl who thought that she was famous and who had a kinda cool answer to prayer.

Hey Jesus! Did I mention that You are AMAZING??!!!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010


Heyyy guys!!!!  Sorry I haven't posted anything for a while!  Things are pretty hectic around here (ok, I lied, they get TOTALLY boring).  There has been stuff on and off that has gone on, but I just haven't had the energy to post!!  Altho, I did draw another piece of art.... so I'll post that soon.  :)  Ok, I need to get to my morning class!!!

Peace, people!!


Wednesday, October 6, 2010


So... at Warner University right now, it is RUSH week, and what that means is that the colleges 4 social clubs: Camarada (girls) and their brother club Dativus , then there is L'amifidel (girls) and their brother club Novus Dux have a full week to recruit new members.  After much conflict and debate, I decided to "rush" or try out/ join Camarada.  It is some hard core stuff, but I really like it alot.  I think I will love my sister rushees very soon!!!

Now when I say hardcore... I'm talkin' friggin bootcamp.  Like fo shizniz.  Every muscle in my body is screaming at me every time I breathe. It is ridiculous.  And today, I did something that I absolutely LOVE and hadn't done in forever.  People were impressed ;-)

I can't give any details to anything that we did because it is an oath we all took when we started rush, that is, not to say a word to anyone about the goings on of Camarada rush. 

OMG!!!! It burns so gooooooddd!!  Speaking of which, I am thinking about starting to exercise and work out and stuff, and my dorm mom, Faith and one of my future Camarada sisters, Mindy, both go to a kickboxing class and asked me if I wanted to join them... I am seriously thinking about it, but it all depends on how much money it costs because I don't have a job yet... AND I'M PRAYIN FOR ONNNNEEE

OKKK. I need to go to bed. Lol. I have an 8 o'clock class tomorrow, one which I slept straight through my alarm for it on Tuesday... whoopies :P

Saturday, October 2, 2010


Yesterday was Liz's birthday, so Brian, Jake, and myself, went home with Liz for the weekend to celebrate. So, her brother picked us all up on friday afternoon and we all packed our stuff into their SUV.  Jake packed like 10 bags. haha. AND we get our laundry done FOR FREEE!!!

We went to the Manatee beach which I guess is famous for having like having a bajillion coquinas.  And there were a TON of them.  But we walked the beach in the tide and it felt so amazing.  While we were walking I was taking pictures of the ocean and of us.  But it was difficult to get myself in any because I was the one taking the pics!  But as we were walking, we passed a group of women and Liz and I decided to ask them to take a picture of us all together.  So... one of them got up and took like one of us and then handed my camera back.  We were like... uh... just one? lol. Then another girl stood up and walked over to us and asked us if we wanted some more.  She told us that she went to college for photography and the pictures came out pretty good.  I edited them when I uploaded them onto my computer. What do ya think?????  We are sooo photogenic. lol

Thursday, September 30, 2010


I hate math.  I hate math. I hate math. I hate math.  You get what I'm sayin'????  Good.  Anddd to make matters worse.... I have a math test today.  EWWWWW!!!!!!  Ok. I'll let ya'll know how it went in about 3 and a half hours.  As of right now, I must go finish math review.... **SOB


Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Stuff from Home :o)

I have been in college for about a month? I'll go with that, it sounds good.  Well, I have gotten several care packages and cards. It is awesome. I LOVE LOVE LOVE getting stuff from back home. Especially surprise stuff! Like about a week or so ago I asked my mom and dad to send me some of my magazines that I left at home and I got the package today and it had much more in it!!! It makes me feel so loved to get things like that!
My mommy and daddy sent this to me today :)
My Aunt Michelle, and Uncle Tony and their boys sent me this. (Mostly Michelle considering all the dental stuff... haha. She is an dental hygienist.)

My Aunt Jamie sent me this. I can't wait to start reading it and watching!!!
I just absolutely love getting letters and notes and comments and packages and everything!! But, I also LOVE giving them too.  Writing is my fav :)

So... If you want to write me, whoever you are, my address is:

Kelli Stephens
Warner #165
13895 hwy 27
Lake Wales, Fl 33859

Random Dozen!!!

1. Do you believe, somewhere deep inside, that blondes do indeed have more fun? That they are "dumber" than brunettes or redheads? Be honest!
Well, unfortunately, if you think about it...  blondes are stereotyped so much that most people believe it and so they assume that they are more fun, so they get involved and invited to more things...

2. Which animal would you most like to observe in its wild habitat?
Pandas!!! OMG. I am obsessed :)

3. This week the U.N. announced that Dr. Mazlan Othman has been appointed the official "Alien Ambassador," should any extraterrestrials contact us. Have you, or has anyone you know, ever seen a UFO?
I have thought myself to have seen a UFO, but..... that was right after I just watched "Signs" lol.

4. Name your favorite Hitchcock film.
I don't think I have seen any of his films...

5. Would you rather spend time at the library, the mall, a craft store or home?
Home.... because I have pretty much everything from the library, from the mall, plenty of art stuff, and its all at HOMEEEEE

6. Which Disney princess is your favorite? (Or Disney character, if you are a guy)
THE LITTLE MERMAID!!!!!!! AAAAAAHHHH  (I am actually currently watching it, and I didn't even know this question was on here!)

7. What kind of art is your favorite?
Fantasy art, mermaids, fairies, etc.
8. How do you feel about viral videos, that is, videos made by amateurs that end up on Youtube receiving thousands of hits?
 I think they are sweeeet.  Then kids like Justin Bieber achieve their dream and become famous.

9. Where do you buy your jeans?
Plato's Closet

10. Tell me about your first automobile accident.
 Well, it was during the winter, I was headed to school after an hour or two hour delay.... I didn't even make it out of my neighborhood. I hit a patch of ice, and slid into a ditch and hit a tree. LOL

11. Have you ever been honest when you knew you would benefit more if you would be dishonest?
I'm sure I have, but I don't think I can think of a particular time....

12. If you were appointed "Ambassador to Aliens," what would you show and tell first about life on Earth? What would be the most difficult thing to explain?
 JESUS.  I would want to see if they knew about him... I would want to know if they shared the same belief.

Friday, September 24, 2010


Have you ever had that feeling of just not knowing anymore?  That everything you say doesn't even matter anymore? Or everything you think is just added confusion, like you should just quit thinking because it won't do any good? And what you do is completely not you, and you feel like you are just floating outside your body and the only thing that is keeping you from just disappearing are the heavy feelings of chains wrapped around every living particle of you?

I am at that point.  The point of not return, it feels like.  I have paths all around me, but I am stuck in a pit of quicksand ready to devour me right in the center where I can reach none of the paths.  I don't know where I am, what to do, what to look for.... All I know is that I am seriously lost.  And no one is near to guide me.

I know God is waiting for me, but I am blind to the steps to get to His outreaching hands. All of my selfish ambitions are tearing my insides up, grasping at all that holds me together.  There is a heaviness inside me that is so deep that I literally feel myself sinking into the ground.  My whole body is bearing the weight of so much that all I can feel to do is hunch my shoulders and try to keep standing.

What am I suppose to do?? It's all I want to know. I just want to be free of it.  Of the darkness that I know is lurking inside my soul.  Someone told me recently that they felt as if I was hiding something within me that I didn't want anyone to know about....  I don't know what that is... or even what he meant.  But I feel as if he spoke truth.  What is it that people see?  Who am I? Who am I suppose to be?  Who even knows anymore.... I certainly don't.  Do I even want to know.... probably not.  I feel as if this is never going to go away.  I'm stuck....  And I have no way of getting out.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Random Dozen!!!

1. Have you, or has someone close to you, ever won an award for anything?
 I have won an award for best belch, best voice, best spirit award (aka MVP... christian school I went to didn't believe in giving an MVP...), and I have gotten some awards for some art stuff before.

2. Who is the nearest relative to you who has served in the US Military? 
I know my grandpa on my dad's side served in WW2.  I'm not sure about anyone closer... Maybe some cousins.

3. Share something that stirs the patriotic spirit in you.
When I saw this video on YouTube with bunches of video clips of little children seeing their mommies or daddies for the first time in a long time. It was heart breaking.... 

4. Where are you in the birth order in your family? Do you think your "placement" made a difference in your personality?
I am a first born, and let me tell ya, I ACT LIKE IT. Haha. No joke. I am bossy for sure. lol

5. Name one trait you hope you carry that was evidenced in your parents or grandparents.
Well, I am not blood related to my family because I am adopted, but I do know that my aunt who I knew briefly a long time ago was artistic, and so am I.

6. If female, do you prefer wearing a skirt or pants? If male, shirt and tie or polo?
Pants for sure. I mean, what would happen if I was walking down the street and saw a crime taking place.  Could I prevent it in a skirt? Na....  Pants all the way...

7. Approximately how many times do you wake during the night? What do you do to go back to sleep?
Usually I will wake up once during the night because I'll wake up dying of thirst. To go back to sleep I just lay back down. It doesn't take a lot.

8. Share a favorite movie quote.
"A woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets" ~ Rose, Titanic

9. What is your favorite Fall candle scent?
Spiced Pumkin by Yankee Candle Co.

10. What is one Fall activity you're looking forward to?
My birthday :)

11. Tell us about a pleasant surprise that happened to you recently.
I just got a package in the mail from my Aunt Michell and Uncle Tony and their boys :) Full of candy, and gum, and mints!! 

12. What was it like when you first met your in-laws-to-be?
Well... I can't really say at the moment... haven't decided who to marry :)


So... I LOVE LOVE LOVE letters :) I love writing them, but I also love receiving them.  And I'm not just talking about a card with some writing either. I am talking about pieces of paper with handwriting on them, little doodles, and an off-white envelope.  Haha. It doesn't have to be exactly that, but you get the idea. 

It seems that I am going to have to write people in order to get written back.... I have gotten two cards, but no hardcore letter. I'll just have to wait.  My roommate, Liz, has a manila envelope absolutely STUFFED with letters.  I love just looking at it. It is awesome :) 

Well, if anyone wants me to write them a letter, I will gladly do so :)  Just let me know, and give me your address because I most likely do not have it!!!


Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Random Dozen!!!

1. Do you do garage sales? If so, tell me about one great find. If not, tell me why not.  My great find wasn't by me, but rather my uncle.  He found these awesome old paints for me :)
2. Name the last thing you fixed. My lunch plate! Haha.
3. Name your A) Favorite item of makeup OR B) Favorite tool  My favorite make up is for sure eyeshadow, but "Glam Black" mascara is close runner up
4. Which room in your home needs organizing more than any other? Well, seeing as in I am currently in college, I don;t have many rooms. Lol
5. Which room could use re-decorating?  Same answer as before.
6. Share something unique about your town. My town? or the college towne?  Um.... My town had 2 movies filmed there... and the college town, I haven't really been here long enough...
7. If you could send a one-sentence message to your great-grandchild, what would it be?  You are one lucky beast to be my great-grandchild.  Got some nice genes, kid. HAHAHA
8. Do you Facebook? OF COURSE!!
9. Describe your favorite shoes. Well, I will describe my current fav.  They are a pair of Nike althletic shoes.  The colors on them are: bright pink, bright blue, bright yellow (what other yellow is there? lol) and glittery purple.
10. Do you listen to more talk radio or more music radio? What kind of station is it? I definitely listen to more music radio, and it was usually Kiss 107 FM, but since I am in Florida, I don't know what that is...
11. How far would you travel for a really good (favorite) meal?  I love me some good food... so I'm not sure... not further than an hour away....  and it depends on if it is a special occasion.
12. If you were totally honest with yourself (and us) what should you probably be doing right now instead of blogging? Probably my summary paper on a video I watched yesterday in my Life of Christ class... its due Monday? lol

Monday, September 13, 2010


So... at the South Lake Wales Church of God church on campus, they hold a service for college students called Infusion. These services are every Sunday night.  Well, the first one was last night, and boy let me tell you, it was amazing.  The worship was my favorite part.  The songs were good, and I was surrounded by a couple people who weren't fake about their worship. They had their eyes closed and I could tell they were letting the Holy Spirit fill them. And as I was watching them I realized something.  "WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING??!! I'm standing here, looking at them in awe, when I can just as easily set my focus away from them, and onto the Presence of God, and be worshiping right along side them!"  

So I did just that.  I let my focus turn away from those around me.  I closed my eyes and let the beautiful music and words flow through me.... I could almost feel God's presence against my skin as I let myself be taken away to this wonderful place of His glory and praise.  The words penetrated my heart like none other before.  I felt like I could breathe for once in my life.  It was incredible.  Once I couldn't take it any longer (the holding back, that is) I just threw my hands up into the air and I raised my face up to Him.  I didn't care what anyone else was thinking.  All I cared about was my Father and myself.  I just prayed in my head,  "Lord, fill me.  Like you have never done before because I never let you. Fill me so that I am over flowing with your light.  That none see me, but only you."  I was so filled that I felt a tear drop from my eyes.  It was so glorious. 

I praise You, Jesus.  For Your Love and Your truly remarkable magnificence!!!

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Let's get ice cream!!!!

So... last night... everyone was super bored around the dorm, and in chapel several days ago, everyone had received a green ticket for free ice cream at this place called Topper's.  Well, we all concluded that, since we were about to smash each other in the face just for some entertainment, we were going to go use our free tickets instead (a lot safer). lol. So... because my beautiful Amber left with her loverly car, (another story, another post), we had to pile into this other girl's car from across our hall, April.  She has a small sporty small jeep type Kia.  So it had room, just not for 7 people. Haha. Can you say sardines???  Well I can, because I had to sit on someones lap.  That was uncomfortable considering I couldn't sit up all the way, so I was hunched over and I had to hold like two different handles to keep from falling over on everybody else.

Anyway, Jake, the tall guy in the black shirt in my pics, was the one telling April the directions.  And he took us on a "short cut". You know the ones with the unmarked paths... the bumpy dirt roads, the towering darkness around us....  It just screams "WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!" and "WE ARE GOING TO GET ATTACKED!!!"  and then the classic "WHERE ARE WE???? ARE WE LOST???? OH NO!!! I'LL NEVER SEE MY FAMILY AGAIN!!!!" Haha.  As we were driving through, Jake was telling us that a bunch of hobos lived in the woods around us.   We saw what he was saying was pretty true because we passed several chairs sitting along the path, and Jake said that there were a bunch of mattresses laying around in the fields...  So everyone was freaking out expecting something to come running across the clay road ahead of us or to run into the car, just begging us to all scream.

But, we ended up making it to the ice cream place, and everyone got their ice cream and we just stood around eating it.  It had been raining so everything was wet, and it wasn't a sit down and eat kinda place. It was all outdoors....  Here are some pictures:

April, Jake, Liz

Brian, April, Liz, Matt, Jake
Me and Liz
Jake and Brian
And, if anyone cares, we made it back safely too. We didn't take the long scary road. lol.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Praise Jesus!!!!

So... something that amazes me is dance. And some good pop music.  I found this video awhile ago and think its just freaking amazing... It just shows such unitedness (is that a word?????) Spell-check says no.... but I like it so I'm gonna use it.  Tell me what you think!!! :)

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Lake part 2, The creatures.

While we were there we saw lots of wild life, squirrel, fish, ants, gnats, but no gators :(  So I took some pictures.
And YES. They are ALL creatures. Haha.

Let's go to the lake!!!

Today is Saturday, hence, the boredom and the decision to journey to a lake. We had fun!  Starting out, our plan was to walk across the highway to the lake that was on the other side, but when we did, we discovered that there was no where to hang out because of all the private property and swamps. Who wants to hang out in a swamp when a Lake-Placid-sized creature could be lurking in the murky waters??? Not me.  That's when we turned around and walked back to get Amber's car so we could drive to an actual park that had a dock and everything right on this big lake.  We all piled in the car and headed there, took a few wrong turns, but thankfully Liz got us there, and Amber didn't kill us. (No offense, girl ;-) ) We got out and the girls sat on the bench while Matt and Brian played with the Frisbee.  They were attempting some pretty tricky throws and epically failed many times. lol. Brian and I took a walk down to the dock hoping to see some gators, but no luck, just a really bad jet skier.... not that I could have even attempted to be better. There is no way I would even get in the water! Anyway, here is some pics of our day:
Loverly scenery :) (Thanks Brad)

I think he was pretending to... um.... well.... I'm actually not sure. Haha
Heck yeah to action shots!!! Same with Brian's on the bottim right.  Haha,

Friday, September 3, 2010

When I'm bored. (the majority of the time)

So.. every so often, I become obsessed with a show or books or just something.  Right now, it's Glee.
OMG. I freaking love it.  All the singing and romance and school drama! Haha.  There are also several sexy guys!!!!  I need to put almost every song on my ipod! 
Ok, well, that's all I have to say!! :D Gotta watch some Glee now.

Facebook Official

So... hmmm. has anyone else noticed that I pretty much start every post with "So" haha. I am LAME.  Anyway, college life is rather appealing to me.  I have freedoms that I never had at home unlike a lot of other kids.  I love the freedom of being able to just leave whenever I want and just chill with Jesus, and explore His amazing creations.  I am just loving it here.  I love my roomies :) I have been getting to know them each better and better.  I have also made several new friends.  (It's Facebook Official)

The lovely Amber,
Liz is on the left, Alyssa is on the right.
This is Josh. He likes Josh Groban, TOO!! :D
This would be Matt, the roommate of Josh's
And my man, Brian
I have several people who I have befriended as well as these wonderful people, i just haven't had the guts to take pictures of them yet!! Haha!!