Saturday, November 26, 2011

Embarrassing much?

For this Thanksgiving I went home with my roommate, Salina.  The food was delicious.  Puerto Ricans can COOK!!!

Her mom took us out to get our nails manicured.... and that's how I got embarrassed.  Ever since I was little I have been biting my nails.  I think about it sometimes but most of the time I don't even notice that I do it.  My mom, aunts, friends, etc, they all tell me to stop, but seriously, it is one hard habit to kick!

Anyway, as I surrendered my hands over to the little old Asian lady who was doing my nails, I was nervous because I didn't know what she would say.  As she started to file them and started cutting my cuticles, I swear she was cursing in whatever language she was speaking because her voice rose and she gestured to my nails and both of the workers beside her glanced over at my hands. AAAAHHHHH so embarrassing. I didn't know what to do except laugh.  Hopefully that will be a moment in time where I last think about biting my nails..... maybe not. lol.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

And the winner is......

Well, I tried Tumblr.... and I couldn't even figure out how to post anything!  Blogspot is much more appealing for me... I just wish people realized that even though they don't have a blog, they can still comment.  It helps me to know that whatever I say means something to them, or that someone is hearing what I say or like what I say. 

I shall continue to post from here, and even though I say it all the time, I hope to post more often... So lend a hand, PEOPLE!!!  Let me know you are listening!!

Thank you much :)

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Blogspot v. Tumblr

So.... What should I do? I don't know if anyone ever reads my blog anymore... I don't get a lot of comments...

I have several friends who read and use tumblr.... so... should I switch?  Is tumblr as awesome as blogspot? Who knows?? A FIGHT TO THE DEATH I SAY!!!

Friday, October 7, 2011

Am I being ridiculous? Or just female? Don't you dare say it's the same

I have been debating for awhile now, whether or not to get some angled bangs cut into my hair. I have been a little bored with my hair and kinda felt like I needed a change. So I finally decided to get my bangs cut.  Sorry Mom... :(

There is an awesome lady that I know... and she is pretty much one of the coolest cats I know.  She cuts hair around campus, and when I got my hair trimmed a few weeks ago, she did it for me for $10.  (GIVE HER SOME BUSINESSS)

Anyway, late last night, she got in to the dorm and so I went to her room to get my bangs cut. I had so many freaking crazy butterflies going all up, in, and around my innards. I hadn't cut my bangs for... a realllyyy long time. I was really scared that I would hate it and that I would cry and want to shave it all off.

And... that kinda did happen.  When she cut them, it was like... a shock. I practically ran out of the room crying. Not because she did a terrible job cutting them, it was because I thought they were to short, that they laid funny, that it didn't look good with my hair, etc, etc. 

So, I got to my room (still bawling my eyes out because that's what I do when I think my hair is ruined), and I stood in the bathroom looking at my bangs and trying to hide them in the rest of my hair with a twist braid. EVERYTIME I GET MY HAIR CUT, I cry. How pathetic?? I think I have a problem... idk... but after i put my hair up, I just prayed, "Jesus, please let me wake up tomorrow and like my hair.  I want to like it, but I HATE IT right now... maybe I'm overreacting... help me not to..."

Then, I got up this morning and jumped in the shower to start getting ready for class, and when I got out, blow-dried my hair, and kinda brushed it through.... guess what??? I loved it :) I love it. See?? God even answers the super teeny tiny prayers that sometimes sounds a little ridiculous :)

I'll post a picture of my hair later!!

Sunday, August 7, 2011


       I remember, a few weeks ago, on a Saturday or Sunday night after I came home from work early, everyone was gone to Grandma's house, or church, or something, and I was home alone.  So I went around the kitchen and fixed me a small dinner, then I sat down at our kitchen table and started to eat it.  I reached into the napkin basket in the center of the table and pulled out a Taco Bell napkin.  It just made me smile.  Those kinds of things make me smile because it's what makes a house, a home.  Different fast food napkins in the napkin basket, or the lawn chair that is sitting, out of place, right inside the back porch door.  The different pieces of furniture that Grandpa made special for my mom...  all the dozens of coasters sitting on all the wooden furniture so there is no way we can get any marks on them by sitting drinks right on the tables... (which we accidentally do sometimes anyway, but Mom is quick to point us to the nearest coaster available)  The little creaks in the wood floors here and there that remind me when Grandpa, my uncle's Steve and Larry struggled to get the boards to go together in that one spot, and all the funny faces they were making...  

         The whole reason for our existence... Life.  We come, and create a home.  We get comfortable in it, but worry so much about perfecting it that we forget to be thankful for everything... What about the millions of families everywhere in the world that don't have to worry about getting water stains on their wood furniture, or worry about whether the lawn furniture is inside the house, or hear the creakiness of their wood floors... because they don't have any of that? They can't afford any of it, they don't have room for any of it.  

         So... stop and think.  Look around your house or where ever you are sitting, and appreciate the little things you see that make your house yours.  Tell me about them! I wanna know what your house feels like, what it looks like.  No one cares about the dirt. You don't have to live on dirt floors.  No one cares that there is McDonald's bags on the counter... Some don't know what a McDonald's is...  I want to know the stuff that makes your home, YOURS. :)

Saturday, July 16, 2011


          17 years ago, when I was 3 years old, my sister and I were taken out of our home and put into foster care.  The circumstances of it all was a bit messy.  When the system found us a good foster home (after a few tries), we started to have visits with our parents.  After only a few weeks, they both ended up going to jail.  One, only several days, the other, received several years.  
          Then things started looking up for us.  Someone wanted to adopt my sister and I.  Our next door neighbors actually.  They had been praying and praying, and had practically everyone they knew, praying for two little girls to adopt.  And there we were :)  So when I was in first grade, I was adopted along with my sister.  Getting adopted along with siblings is a rare occasion in adoption cases because often, parents only want one at a time, so the brothers and sisters get split up, never to see each other again.

          So, here we are 17 years later.  I have 3 months till I turn 20.  Am I excited??? YESSS!!!  But I also have another story to tell....

          Winter break of this last year....  I did alot of sitting around the house.  I didn't have a car, and most of my friends had already gone back to school (my school had given us 5 WEEKS off for break)... Hey, did ya think I minded?? Nope.  Anyway, so most of the stuff I did involved drawing, playing on my computer, and watching a ridiculous amount of t.v.. But then, in the mention of one phrase, one little tidbit of information, my life took a turn...

          But first, a little background information, my sister, who most of you know, Kerri, is actually not my full blooded sister.  She is only my half, but I would tell anyone in an instant that it doesn't matter in the least.  We share the same biological mother, but not the same father.  When we were going through all the court stuff years ago, a blood test proved it. Ok, that is all, now back to the story.

          So, one day, my sister comes home after a day with hanging out with my Aunt Michelle.  She comes over to me and says, 
   "Kelli, do you know what Michelle told me today??"
   "No... what did she say?"  I replied.
   "She says she thinks Scott has a Facebook!"

          Ok, another background info stop.  My biological father's name is Scott.  My aunt Michelle used to go to school with him, and her husband actually worked with him when we were still living with him and our mother. Ok I'm done.. for now... ;)

   I just stare at her... then I roll my eyes,
   "Nu huh. She did not."
   "Kelli! Yeah she did!" Kerri looked annoyed that I thought she was lying... haha.
   "Ok fine. Then I'm looking him up."  So I did.  Nope. There was no Scott on facebook that even resembled my father.  
           Background:  When all the adoption stuff was going on, Kerri and I had a social worker.  She made us each something called a "Life Book".  This was a big thick photo album filled with tons of photos of our foster family that we grew to love very quickly, and our now, mom and dad, Tracy and Cathy.  It also included about ten or so pictures of our mother and mine included a few of Scott.  So when I say none of them resembled Scott, it's because I had pictures to look at, not because my memory was so vivid. Go read!
           After I got done checking Facebook, I pretty much went "Oh well".  But only so Kerri would think I didn't really care or that I wasn't going to look anymore.  HA! Yeah right.

           That night, I stayed up practically all night searching FB up and down, searching his name over and over again, and even threw in his brother's name, which my aunt Michelle had also gone to school with, but I didn't know what he looked like so that didn't help much.  Then...... I remembered something.... good ol' Myspace :)))  Yeah, you know you had one.  Anyway, I decided to search there.  BINGOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!   My hands were shaking as I held my little ipod touch and was scrolling down the page.  My eyes spotted one of the profile pictures.  And if there is one thing I'm good at, it is knowing faces. (Part of being an artist probably).  I clicked on it and started going through the pictures. There were only like, 3.  One of them was a pretty good clear one.  I wasn't positive it was him, so I ran and grabbed my Life Book, opened it to the one clear photo I had.... His mugshot... yeah....  ANYWAY.  So, I did the smart and scientific thing any logical person with the slightest ability to see anything at all, and started to compare the bone structure from each picture, the shape of the nose, the tilt of the ears, size of the mouth... it was.. a match.  I. Flipped. Out.  I had found my biological father. and it had taken less than 12 hours.

          Long story short, I did some googling found some names that were associated with his on a "" website, and ended up finding my biological grandfather's work phone number, and I called it.  He said he remembered me, and gave me another number to call.  It was Laurie, Scott's girlfriend.  I called her and she told me that they had just broken up, but that she would have him contact me when she saw him next.  She really sweet and handled the shock pretty well, because when I introduced myself with my real name, she kinda gasped, and said that Scott had told her about me....  then, that night when I was watching t.v.. Laurie called me back...  and I found out, I have two older brothers!!!! But that is another story.  Ok, so... I didn't get a call from Scott while I was still on winter break.  But about 2 weeks or so back into college life, I did.  Scott's brother, who I mentioned earlier, actually found me and started texting me back and forth and he was the one who told Scott that I had found him and wanted to make contact or whatever.  So...... we did. We texted, we talked on the phone, we skyped once... It was pretty cool....

         The reason for this story is that.... in about 2 hours or so, I am going to be meeting my biological father, in person, for the first time in over 17 years.  I am nervous as a freaking....... um.... whatever is the most nervous thing ever.  Lindsey Rich is going with me to meet him. She is so awesome to help me with this. :))  

So if anyone reads this, PLEASE!! Take time to comment, ask ANY question, or just say a little prayer for me today:)))  Thanks guys!!! <3

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Sad Face

I miss bloggingggggg :((((  But my schedule is so ridiculously hectic, that there is absolutely NO time to write.... All I can see is Skyline, and MATH!!! BLUCKKKK!!!

But I promise, when school gets closer, I'll be writing more!!! No worries :)

Thursday, June 16, 2011


I have to say, is my favorite site right now on the web.  I love love love love LOVEEEE all the art that's on there.  It is all different varieties, too.  There is photography, poetry, stories, drawings, fan art, etc etc.  I have picked out about 30 of my favorite artists on there and I always check out their new stuff. It inspires me SO MUCH. (But since I left all of my freaking art supplies down in Florida.....!)

But anyway....  I just wanted to spread the love! If you want to see my art on there, here is a link to my page:

Come on over and visit!!!! :)

Monday, May 30, 2011

Today was the first day of my summer job at Skyline.  It was a lonnngggg day. There wasn't anywhere to sit down if I had wanted to get off my feet for a few seconds.  My "bosses" were 3 years younger than me and didn't do anything except sit around and I didn't take a break because I am broke and I didn't pack a lunch either.  I worked from 9:30 to 4:30.  And the last hour was incredibly long. lol  

I really hope I can enjoy the next 2 months working and making all the money I can, but if I keep coming home after work with a crazy headache, backache, and my feet hurting I don't know how much I will like it. lol.  But hopefully that won't happen!! Hopefully my greed for money will overcome my pain ;-)

Friday, May 27, 2011

Artsy Fartsy

     I have been feeling extremely artsy lately, but unfortunately I left almost all of my art supplies in Florida in a storage unit.  I finally finished my last commissioned portrait for one of my friends in Florida, so now all I have left to do is send it to him in the mail.

     I have been posting a lot of some of my old poetry on my art blog and it's inspired me to start writing a bit more. I haven't written poetry in a long time. (But it's not like I haven't had anything to write about... stupid boys.... stupid things that don't work out... or just writing about something that I am passionate about....)  So if you like poetry, go on over and check it out!

     I keep having the urge to paint something... anything... but when it comes to painting, I'm a bit of a perfectionist. Well, I guess when it comes to any art I am a perfectionist, but with painting, I always have to have the perfect subject, and have it drawn out and just be awesome.  Unfortunately, sometimes I think that I don't have the patience to actually sit down and do a wonderfully detailed inspiring piece or work.  Oh well, I have to try sometime right??

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

My All-Time Favorite Shows

Can I just say that I love watching television? Because I seriously do. These are my top 5 t.v. shows:


 4. Law & Order: SVU
3. Alias

 2.  Heroes

 1. True Blood
Did I mention that I love t.v.???  If I could, and I had the money, I would buy all the seasons of all these shows and I would watch them over and over again. :)

So... what is your top 5???

Gotta stop wasting it

Sometimes I think that my life is taking forever to take off. 

When I was about to graduate 8th grade I remember being so excited that I was finally going to start high school, but then I also remember that excitement being dampened with the thought of having to go to school for another 4 years. 

Then my high school days absolutely flew by.  It makes me sad to remember how I wasted them.  My only thoughts were about boys, which girls to hate or talk about, and how much I felt like I needed to rebel against my parents.  Finally, my senior year, I started to figure it out.  I found a boyfriend who was amazing, I started focusing on God, and I started to understand a little more that my parents weren't actually out to get me.  So, high school ended.  And then I got excited because the biggest adventure of my life was about to begin: college.

Now, here I am, and my freshman year of college is already over.  I have only 3 years to go... and most of my first year was wasted on trying to get over and past a bad relationship, and finding myself tripping over myself in efforts to fill in the hole that was left from that relationship.  I wasted so much time trying to find that trust and closeness, to feel loved again that I ended up getting hurt and used over and over.  

Rather than feeling more grown up, I end up feeling more lost and lonely and just plain young.  I can't seem to wrap my head around how I am suppose to do things.  I always seem to pick the wrong friendships, say the wrongs things, trust the wrong person.  It gets old, let me tell you.  

I want to get out and experience life.  I know there is so much out there to do.  But I keep losing my focus on the little things that don't matter or that I'm just not ready for yet.  

Every time I meet a guy that I like, it seems like I throw myself into the thought of having someone.  I think that is my problem with everything, with boys, friends, hobbies, whatever.  I keep refusing to let God be that Someone for me.  There is someone who likes me...  I think I like him too, but I'm not totally sure.  To be honest, I think I just really don't want to be in a relationship.  It is just another added weight because now if I choose to, I can say no, and then I'm gonna feel like crap.  GAHHHH.

I just want to be single for awhile. I want to live. I want to develop friendships.  I have been too much of a loner.... but then, I say that now... I'll probably end up changing my mind...  But I have 2 months of summer left to figure this stuff out. To figure out what I really want.  I need to find my focus.  I'm so sick of wasting my life away.  I need to do things that are worth something.


Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Here it comes again...

Once again, the time has come around when everyone around me is getting tattoos. I can feel myself being sucked into this craziness!!!!!!!!  I know what I want and where and I can afford it, but I must fight against it because if i give in I will no longer be able to afford college.  Quoted directly from my mother:  If you come home with a tattoo, you can say goodbye to any college money that we have given you.  GULP.  So.... You see the reason and ONLY reason for my resistance.  Well, not the only reason...I am afraid that if I get a tattoo where I can see it, I will go crazy because I won't be able to take it off.  It's PERMANENT.  AAAAHHHHH.  Haha :)  So no worries, Mom. I'ma fightin' hard!!!

Monday, February 14, 2011


Eh.... who needs a Valentine?  Not me.   I'll take single ANY DAY.  (ok.. that's a half truth, but we will go with it today.... lol)    So.... for all ya single ladies and gents.... S.A.D. is for you!!!!  Does anyone get the irony here??  Good.

Have a great day!!! :)

(this picture is meant to inspire.... if it depresses you.... join the club! HAHAHAHA)

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Fasting Valentines Day. Wait.. not fasting Valentines Day.... fasting AND Valentines Day.

     So, I went to a church service last night with a bunch of my friends after the basketball game.  It was a bit different than what I would have liked, but the pastor said some good things.  Then, at the end of the message, he challenged everyone, for 18 days (until the end of the month), that we pick just one thing to fast.  So, my friends Lexi, Salina, and myself, all chose to fast from Facebook.  Yes, it will probably kill us.  Lexi and I are also going to fast from any foods other than fruits, veggies, and wheat bread.  This is going to be interesting, but I'm guessing that I'll be losing some weight.  YAYYY :))))

     Now, the whole point of fasting, is to take whatever time that you had doing the thing that your fasting from, and giving it to God.  Spending that, now vacant, time, in prayer, reading the Word, worshipping Him, thinking, just anything that would glorify God. 

     This morning, from the moment I got up, I started talking to God.  I let my legs hang over my bed, and just lifted my arms to the ceiling and said "Ok God.  Today is Yours.  This is the day You have made.  Let me be able to make it Yours in what I say and do."  Then I threw on some clothes and walked to class.... (I forgot my bike across the campus... oops. lol)  I was early to class so I went and sat down on a bench and got my Bible and opened it to a verse that the previous night, my friend Shelby, had texted me. 

"You are beautiful, my darling, beautiful in everyway." ~ Song of Solomon 4:7

For awhile now, I have thought of everyone as being beautiful.  No matter gender, shape, form, color, not anything.  And just the other day in class, we were discussing a book that we were reading in class, and we were assigned to do chapter highlights.  The highlight that stood out to me said that people, when reading Song of Solomon, can interpret the words and verses literally, or allegorically.  Being such an intimate and passionate book, I'm sure you can figure out the literal meaning.  But then, if we read it allegorically, it would be interpreted as Jesus, as the groom, and the Church, or us, as the bride. 

     I thought it was quite coincidental that I had just been talking about Song of Solomon in a class, and then my friend sends me a verse from it.  So as I sat on the bench today, I opened my Bible up to the book and read the verse she gave me, and then also skimmed the chapters trying to see the allegory that I just mentioned.  Then, I found two verses.  These two verses are absolutely PERFECT for me right now.  So I kno that I was meant to read them. 

"You have captured my heart, my treasure, my bride...... Your love delights me, my treasure, my bride."  ~ Song of Solomon 4: 9a, 10a

Wow.  Absolutely amazing.  Read these two verses as if Jesus is speaking to YOU.  Because if you are a Christian, than you are the Church, you are the bride.  And THIS, is how Jesus truly feels about us.  He is delighted by our love.  WE.  His creation, God's creation, have captured His heart.  I was totally taken aback when I read this.  It just struck at my heart.  Valentine's Day is coming up in the next few days, and those of us who would rather call it Singles Awareness Day, don't have to call it that.  Because Jesus is our valentine.  He is completely in love with us, he knows us and loves us more than any one on the face of this earth could love.  HE deserves to be our Valentine.  He is the Ultimate Valentine.  He is our Prince.  Our love. 

   So... pretty much... this fast is starting off GREAT :D 

Monday, February 7, 2011

Ok, Mom, write this down and save it.

     Yesterday, when I had some free time, I decided that I really REALLY needed to clean my side of the dorm.  My roommate isn't there alot so her side is pristine. Mine definitely is not.  My desk is piled high with books, papers, pens, and a whole lot of other junk.  It would be clean if I had a working computer that I could set it on, but I don't. So right now its a miscellaneous junk hotspot! 

     Ok, the reason for my post?  I just want to tell the world how awesome my mom and dad are :))

     I was cleaning out the underside of my bed, and I noticed all the boxes that I have filled with magazines, I see on my desk a bunch of envelopes that once held a bunch of goodies, etc etc.... then I realized that I probably have the greatest parents alive.  And I really take them for granted alot too... And that makes me sad.  They have probably sent me more care packages and letters and other stuff than any other kids parents here.  And I LOVE it :) 

     It feels so weird to look back to a few years ago and think about how I felt about them and what I thought about how they did things, then I think about it now and my feelings about it all, and I'm like "DANG!!  They ARE smart!!!  WHaaaaatt??"  Like seriously. It is so cool.  I love them to absolute death :) 

     See, People???????  College DOES warp your mind!!!! Hahaha :)

Wednesday, January 19, 2011


OMGOSSHHHH!!!! I seriously can't handle this any longer.  I need a computer right this instant!!! I am ok with coming to the library every once in awhile, but it gets old really quick.  I want to have a computer that I can sit in my room with and do whatever.  I have sooo much artwork that I need to scan and post onto my art blog, and then I have pictures from winter break that I also want to post on here. Readers like to look at pictures. And I don't have any means by which to post them!!!!!!!!!!! GAAHHHHHHHHH 

So... I guess I will be looking for some extra cash that may be lyin' around.... I reallllllyyy want a Macbook.  They are way more reliable that stupid PCs.... Thats for dang sure.  But.... they are definitely very pricey.  My roommate got her Macbook from Craigslist for about $700. Which Is about $200 to $300 less than a new one. And she said that when she got it over Christmas break that it was only 3 months old.  But then, when does that mean anything??  My computer, I bought was $200 and it was only 3 months old.... and do you see it up and runnin??? Nope. It is sitting in a soon-to-be dusty corner in my dorm... and the sad thing?  I tend to get attached to my things.  I really liked that computer.  It was the first computer that I bought and owned by myself.  But, trust me, I won't mind in the least if I can get a new computer that WORKS!  Geez.  If you can imagine, this is me right now:

Yeah.  'Cept add a few years on and maybe not the pig tails.... For real....

  Now I am going to go and watch some sexy men play basketball :D


     Well, my winter break is over now!  Second semester started today. I am excited, but at the same time I feel like these first few weeks are going to be rough. 

     Sitting around my dorm makes me feel depressed even though I don't really have anything to be depressed about.  But because of the state I was in several weeks before I left, I think that my mind is remembering those feelings and associating them with my room. 

      I just want to start everything over.  I want to pretend that I never had a boyfriend... or an ex for that matter... so that I don't have that pain to deal with.  I want to pretend that I know 100% that everything is going to turn out awesome. 

 BUT... unfortunately I don't think thats how things are going to fly. 

    First off, having an ex SUCKS. Because, you have the knowledge that you no longer have a significant other (especially so close to V-day... haha just kidding. not a big deal... right? :/ )  And also because you have the knowledge that you couldn't make it work...  That you shared all kinds of stuff with that person, and now they are walking away, completely indifferent. 

The good thing?  I guess I can say that I came away a better person. I know that it would be a waste of my time to try and fix things.  Because they don't want to be fixed.  Or at least, HE doesn't want to fix them. I wasn't worth his time which means, he DEFINITELY ain't worth mine.  Now... if only I can but that to work. lol

    I find myself learning new things about him, seeing new things  (most likely things that were already there but I was too blinded to see) ... And wondering why in the FREAKING world does it seem like everyone thinks that HE is the innocent one? That they all think that it was ME that made our relationship go sour? HOW HOW HOWWW??? AND WHHYYYY??? 

   The real question is, why the heck am I stressing out over this?  Oh yeah.  Because I WANT people to like me.  I HATE when people refuse to see the truth.  Or are too blinded by their relationship/friendship with a person to see what REALLY goes on.  But, once again, I seriously need to stop caring about this.  I need to move on.  But it is the hardest freaking thing ever to move on from something when it is an impossibility to get closure.  There is no way to get closure in a situation when the person in the wrong refuses to see that they are wrong.  I am stuck.  It is not fun to get stuck.  I want to move on from this.  I think I'll scream now.  Be right back .............*cricket cricket*.....    

Ok, I'm done.  It feels pretty good to be back and writing on my blog again, btdubs.  :D