Wednesday, January 19, 2011


     Well, my winter break is over now!  Second semester started today. I am excited, but at the same time I feel like these first few weeks are going to be rough. 

     Sitting around my dorm makes me feel depressed even though I don't really have anything to be depressed about.  But because of the state I was in several weeks before I left, I think that my mind is remembering those feelings and associating them with my room. 

      I just want to start everything over.  I want to pretend that I never had a boyfriend... or an ex for that matter... so that I don't have that pain to deal with.  I want to pretend that I know 100% that everything is going to turn out awesome. 

 BUT... unfortunately I don't think thats how things are going to fly. 

    First off, having an ex SUCKS. Because, you have the knowledge that you no longer have a significant other (especially so close to V-day... haha just kidding. not a big deal... right? :/ )  And also because you have the knowledge that you couldn't make it work...  That you shared all kinds of stuff with that person, and now they are walking away, completely indifferent. 

The good thing?  I guess I can say that I came away a better person. I know that it would be a waste of my time to try and fix things.  Because they don't want to be fixed.  Or at least, HE doesn't want to fix them. I wasn't worth his time which means, he DEFINITELY ain't worth mine.  Now... if only I can but that to work. lol

    I find myself learning new things about him, seeing new things  (most likely things that were already there but I was too blinded to see) ... And wondering why in the FREAKING world does it seem like everyone thinks that HE is the innocent one? That they all think that it was ME that made our relationship go sour? HOW HOW HOWWW??? AND WHHYYYY??? 

   The real question is, why the heck am I stressing out over this?  Oh yeah.  Because I WANT people to like me.  I HATE when people refuse to see the truth.  Or are too blinded by their relationship/friendship with a person to see what REALLY goes on.  But, once again, I seriously need to stop caring about this.  I need to move on.  But it is the hardest freaking thing ever to move on from something when it is an impossibility to get closure.  There is no way to get closure in a situation when the person in the wrong refuses to see that they are wrong.  I am stuck.  It is not fun to get stuck.  I want to move on from this.  I think I'll scream now.  Be right back .............*cricket cricket*.....    

Ok, I'm done.  It feels pretty good to be back and writing on my blog again, btdubs.  :D   



  1. Try to get your focus off forgetting him and getting over him and instead try to focus on God and remembering Him!

    Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."

    I promise you He will help you through this.

    Get thee out of thy room and into the library & any place where there are other people. haha

    Love you girl and I'll keep praying for you.

  2. I AM IN THE LIBRARY!!! HAHHAHAHA (hence my last post. lol) and thanks