Monday, August 23, 2010

Big Changes starting to hit me in the face...

       So I am sitting beside my bed on a little step stool browsing Facebook and just taking a break from the chaos of my room, of packing, and of the constant worry that I might be missing something or that I am packing too much.  Anyway, I have been sitting here and I just started to think (which for me isn't all that good of an idea).  I am starting to really see that this college thing is bigger than I thought.  I mean, I was thinking about my room.  It's been my room for about 13 years and I am just going to up and leave it.  It's been my sanctuary to get away from family, from noise, from life if I had to, and now I am abandoning it.  Haha. Listen to me talking about my room as if it had a personality.  You know, I kinda think it does.  It has my personality, but it has it's own.  The mess that it portrays , which hasn't necessarily been from myself, takes on it's own sort of way of life. lol. I sound crazy.  That's what the thought of loss does to a person.

      Then I started thinking about all the vacations that my family has been on and I go back to the moments when we come home after being away for several days, and I can still remember the relief of coming back to MY room.  My own spot of familiarity.  I can feel the comfort start to flow through me as I look around at the familiar furniture, colors, objects, and feel everything again.

Then, a thought came to me.  This time, this "vacation" isn't a vacation at all.  And when I come back to my sanctuary, my familiar place, it won't be mine anymore. It will have changed from the months of my being gone.  It will become someone else's space, no longer mine.  The furniture might stay the same, but the things that fill it are no longer what I  filled them with.  It is just depressing to think about coming back and not really having a little place of my own, no matter how small it is.  My mom always says that no matter how old I am I will always have a place at home, but it will just be a roof over my head after leaving for college.  All my things will have been changed... Ugh.  Well, that's enough depression for now...


  1. Kelli, thank you for stopping by my blog and commenting, or I never would have found you! I loved reading your perspective about leaving your room. I blogged about this topic from the mom's point of view when my oldest girl, now 23, left for college. Here is the link: I see that you're going into ministry; I work for a large youth ministry called Oneighty in Muncie, Indiana. Nice to meet you!

  2. Hi Kelli
    It must be hard but so very exciting for you right now. I am sure your room will always be your room like your Mom said. Your college room will soon start to feel like home when you get all your stuff (and mess) around you! We have a friend who is going to college right now like you are. I was talking to his Mom and she told me where to go on the college website to look at a room like the one he would be in. We laughed so hard when the picture came up with a young man sitting at the desk and a pink Hello Kitty quilt cover was on the bed! LOL.
    I wish you a safe journey to Florida.