Friday, August 9, 2013

Senior year = Last year

         To say that I'm excited about this upcoming year of college would definitely be lying.  I don't even know what I am about it....  Am I just a smidge bit excited? Am I nervous? Am I leery? Am I anxious? Do I even want go???

         I've got no clue.  All I know is that time has flown by wayy too fast. I feel like it's only been a couple years, but then when I think about it, it actually feels like 6.  Even though I didn't much write about all the problems I had, every single year was wrapped up in one or two events that really screwed things up and pretty much sucked the joy out of friendships, relationships, and even just myself.  I'm kind of scared that this last year will end up the same way and I don't want that at all.  I know that the main reason for the past 3 years being so filled with junk is because I have refused over and over and over again to just let Jesus be the center of my life. I'd replace Him, and then get hurt, get in trouble, get lost, and do things that were just plain stupid, and still just wonder why.

         Well, I know why.  And right now, I am REFUSING to do anything less than let Jesus be the most important thing in my life.  Senior year is going to be filled with really big decisions. There will be relationship growing and/or letting go of them, choices about Master's programs and schools, future jobs, acquiring a car I can afford along with an apartment to live in, probably drama (not even Jesus could avoid drama), and that's just naming the few that I can think of, and not counting the things that will just pop up.  

         Most of all, I'm worried about people.  The people I don't want to see, the people who might not want to see me, the new people I don't know if I'll even like, the jealousy I'll probably feel about certain things, and the overall lack of true closeness and friendship I have failed to develop these past few years with the people around me, and then the fact that my boyfriend is going to be totally wrapped up in football (which isn't his fault, I get that), but my love language is quality time and I've no idea if I'll get much of it...   

         So here is the age old wish of every single person to ever have lived:

I wish I had more time.

I wish I had more time to spend with these people:

A lot of them have graduated and/ or left and I definitely miss them.  I've always hated shallow friendships and I've been terrible at getting past that and into meaningful friendships.  I'm going to make this year a year to remember (but this time in a good way).   For everyone in these pictures, I love you SO much and I can't wait to hang out again, talk again, or whatever!!!  You are in this blog post for a reason!

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